The most common question I get asked after I tell people what I do for a living is, “Why did you become a funeral director?” or some variation of that.
I have to admit, answering ‘what I do for a living’ is probably my least favorite question. It has nothing to do with not liking what I do. Rather it makes me the center of the whole group or convo depending on the situation. Being the center of attention is not really my jam.
Now if I win a huge competition–I don’t mind it as much. However, there’s something about saying “Yes, I CHOSE to work with dead people for a living” to a group of semi strangers that makes me feel weird. Picking a career isn’t really an accomplishment. Now- sticking with it for many years IS an accomplishment. So I’ll take that.
I could be projecting my own assumptions here. I enjoy what I do, and I know that I don’t necessarily fit the stereotype of a mortician. Proclaiming my job title to others with very little time to explain leaves people with a lot of questions and honestly judgements about me as a person for doing that. To be fair their judgements come from their own experiences with death and funerals.
Let’s be real- nobody WANTS to go to a funeral or experience a loss. So it’s probably safe to assume they aren’t thinking the most positive thoughts.
I’m not judging or making fun of anyone with these questions. I think it’s natural to be curious about death and dying. I also realize I don’t particularly fit the “image” of what a funeral director or mortician looks like.
So to answer the question, Why?
In high school, I learned about a friend’s older sister who went to mortuary school. “What is mortuary school?” I recall asking in my head. My friend went on to explain that her sister works at the funeral home in our hometown. My interest immediately piqued. “Women do that?”
I know…that was still a question that existed in 2007 apparently. Of course, women can do anything we want.
Anyway, I had never thought of this and began to inquire more about it and research it on my own. What kept my attention initially was the preparation of the deceased. I thought the science behind it all was so interesting.
These thoughts and curiosities stuck with me for several months. Until one day while riding in the car with my mom I decided to tell her “I think I want to be a mortician”. My mom started telling me all of these random hair facts she felt sure she knew. I looked at her very confused until I realized she thought I said “beautician”…
“No, mom! A MORTICIAN” She had to let that one sink in LOL.
Living in a small town has the benefit of everyone knowing everyone. Well it’s a benefit and curse really. After a discussion between my parents and the funeral home owner they decided to let me observe “a day in the life” at the funeral home.
From there– I was offered the opportunity to work there every other weekend as a part time job. After some good vetting, of course.
I learned so much. I had the opportunity to work with some great funeral directors and their support staff. All of this is what encouraged me to continue. The feeling of helping others at such a tough time was gratifying to say the least. I felt like I was really doing something good. I wanted that feeling to continue.
So, there you have it. I loved to help people and that’s why I got into it. Of course, there are lots of details and things to know about my experiences from the beginning until now. I suppose you’ll have to come back to keep learning what it’s like to be in the funeral biz!
And by the way, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. You’ll never know til you try!
-xokk